[Helpdesk] Tech Support

[Andrew Main]

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Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female Customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still  
on my desk... sorry....

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Tech Support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the  
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech Support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech Support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not  
Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every  
time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the  
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still  
says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red.
Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah... thank you.

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Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech Support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK.
Tech Support; Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes.
Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there  
another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah... that one does work...

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Tech Support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a  
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech Support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver  
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech Support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I  
get the circle around it?

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A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech Support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his  
printer is working fine.

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And last but not least...

Tech Support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at  
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the  
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech Support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech Support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!